So I was thinking about my last post, and the discussion of friends versus more than friends, and I started looking around on Google for some insight as to what others thought about the subject. Google, because the massive empire that it is, gave me basically one of everything, but there was one blog in particular that gave me something to really think about. There was one specific part of the blog that caught my attention and it read as follows:
"I propose that it is much easier to be Platonic friends with a person when one or both of you is unattracted to the other in some fundamental way, and imagine that’s probably self-evident. When there’s a barrier to being “more than” friends, whether it’s your lack of attraction or the other’s, or some external circumstance, or some internal knowledge that something is or would be deeply wrong about it, it’s easier to be friends. It’s that in-between stage that’s the trouble, where there are no concrete barriers to being “more than” friends with someone."
(http://thinkblog.org/2006/05/16/platonic-friendships/)
This person has the assumption that when two people are friends, and it is clear that they will never make the jump to a deeper level for one reason or another, the friendship is easier and more solidified. It is only when there is the questionable halfway mark, the gray area that leaves room for change and possibility, that the relationship is jeopardized. The thought makes sense, as it seems legitimate that a friendship based solely on the intellectual and fun-loving level is one that will stay strong for a long period of time. But then you have to consider the other side of the argument- the story heard so many times about two people being best friends for their entire lives, only to realize over time that they were in love and couldn't stand to be away from each other.
Again, this goes back to the question of knowing when the relationship has taken a turn towards courtship, when the intense connection one has with another person that they know so well is no longer merely companionship-based. With Dawson's Creek, Joey and Dawson are constantly caught in the gray area of mystery, never knowing if the feelings they have for one another are platonic or romantic. They are in the awkward teenage period where they are unsure of what to do with the feelings they have and seem to try every route of releasing them. Their attempt at love falters and they are left in the same situation as the beginning, but without their unwaivering friendship. This poses yet again the question that seems to have so many answers, what is it about a relationship that causes people to take it up a notch? What brings one to realize that they have found the one person they are in love with? It seems to me that so often, love stems from a solid friendship, but it is knowing that they love is there that is the tough part.
2 comments:
That is one tough question. I honestly could not say what causes seemingly normal friendships to head down lover's lane so to speak. From my general observations of friends in this situation, I have found that most of them that get in the love area, end up wishing they had just left it as friends becuase of some later conflict while dating. I personally know that I try to stay away from dating those that I would consider "just friends" Oh and by the way, if you haven't seen the film "Just Friends" it relates to this idea a bit.
I actually dated my best friend for a while, then we broke up, but we did wish we would have left it as friends. I think this can relate to your question, when do you take it up a notch, if you ever do? The reason for the break-up was long distance. It was very difficult to restore the friendship, and you always hear that the friendship is hardly ever salvaged, but in our case, it was saved. Obviously it was very difficult, but we loved our friendship enough to work towards a future. On the other hand, my friend's best friend had second thoughts at his wedding because he always had the curiosity of what if. I guess people know when to take it up a notch when everything fall into place, career, location, age, etc.
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